I want someone who will love me deeply, truly, passionately. Not just someone with a crush or a shallow version of love that fades away the moment I become slightly unlovable. I want someone who will cross great oceans with me. Someone who will drown me with so much love I forget my own insecurities and problems. I want someone who will pick fights with me about the things that matter. To dissect every issue, every situation, every little thing. And to never sleep without us creating a stand together. Or at least to agree to disagree. I want us to fight about what we’re doing and why we’re doing them. Because sometimes fighting over something is the only way you can understand it and the only way to see if it actually matters. I want to find out if he can love me even if our conversation turns into a fire because I want to see the flare in his eyes every time he defends what he believes to be true. And I want him to try to convince me, I want to hear his words trying to persuade me. I want to live my forever with someone who will know how to talk to me because time may come when I might no longer want to stay or maybe there will be a time where I might need to believe in myself again, and he might be the only one who can teach me how. I hope he’ll be able to make me love myself again. I want someone who drives me crazy because he won’t stop pestering me until I reach my limits. He won’t stop until I grow. Until I become better than yesterday. Someone who will help me and yet inspire me to reach my stars on my own. I want someone who is my partner in everything. In our dreams, in our plans to travel, in our business ventures, in our careers, in being parents, in being grandparents, in being old together. And when I say partners, it doesn’t have to mean we work in the same office or we have the same style in disciplining our kids. I mean partners who support each other and where one catches the other where the other one falls. I want someone who has different strengths and abilities than me. I want us to have different passions but with the same vision. I want us to be complimentary yet compatible. I want us to teach our children all the things we know and love. I want our home to be filled with music and laughter and little quarrels and scattered books or broken toys. I want to feel that our family is dynamic, alive. I don’t want to live in the safety of passivity. I want us to be active, at the edge of truth and love, always expanding the horizons. Never settling for what we already know or have, we will conquer everything together. And I want for him to want that, too. I want someone who will stay. Stay strong. Stay true. Stay faithful. Stay in love. Stay with me.
No one in college knows I used to write my own quotes in a medium-sized beige notebook that has brown spine. But, people from my high school knew about it. [Edit: I began this in 4th year high school.] I even let some people read through it. I wrote on it everyday. I brought it to class, I write on it before starting school work at night, and I read some of it before going to bed. It was my outlet of everything emotional and mental. But, mostly I wanted it to be inspirational and hope-filled.
I wrote quotes from writers and quotes from movies. You could say I got the idea from Jamie’s mom in “A Walk to Remember”, which is still my favorite love story. 🙂
Anyway, I found that notebook again today. I was actually looking for a quote one of my friends texted me before (yes, I rewrite even long text messages into that notebook even if took me some time). But, instead of finding what I was looking for, I found this. I actually put dates & times, too. And this one, I wrote on April 17, 2012. 00:02 AM
Dear, old self. What were you thinking & feeling when you wrote this? Well, whatever it was, I’m thankful now that you did.
“Remember who you are—child of the Most High. Never settle for anything less than what your Father would have you do.” -Tatyana Kuksh 🙂