It’s 5:28 am on my clock, and the sun is slowly rising from behind the towers and buildings here in Manila. That’s what I see through my small bed room window, pero hindi naman ‘yun yung totoo diba? Because there’s more to sunrise and sunset than what we see, even if we saw it from the bays of the most beautiful sea.
I have come to realize an incorrect mindset that I didn’t know existed in me or maybe I did, but I didn’t realize enough that it was wrong. I always think good things happen out of my obedience and if I choose to do the wrong things, I would be punished severely. Basta, pag mabait ka lahat ng gusto mo, makukuha mo. Pag pasaway ka, wala na. How many times have people told us that doing good would always lead to good fortune and that bad days were a result of a heart gone wrong? Dito ako nagkamali, ito yung maling mindset.
It’s all wrong. That’s not how God blesses His children. You might be drowning in debt, but maybe you are drowning in His love.
He doesn’t always give what we earnestly desire because He knows how it could lead us to downfall. He knows how we might suffer from it. He knows the wrong thoughts we have about those desires and longs for us to be with Him in his glory, so why would he allow us to be sidetracked from the path that would lead to Him?
I have hardened my heart too many times when failures came and when burdens weighed me down. I would grieve myself with wonderings what I had done wrong, what I had done different from the others? I continually compared myself until I was burnt out, ending up with a devastated self-esteem.
Why was the sun setting on me? Why were bad things coming down on me? Surely I’ve done something so wrong that God was punishing me? Oh, yes. I’ve thought them all.
But, the sun wasn’t setting; the sun is constantly where he is. It is an unmoving, constant source of light and energy. But, the earth on the other hand, it has been rotating from the very beginning! The world has been changing how we see the sun. It has been giving us perceptions that weren’t true. Because of this world, I thought the Son departs from us when we’re in pain or when we’re suffering, but during those times, He only reaches out His hands to take us from the situation and fill us with His love. The beatitudes tell us: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” Matthew 5:3 NIV
My little bed room window even makes my view of the sun even smaller. I can only see the light from the sun, but to see the sun itself would blind me with its brightness. The Son is too grand and beautiful for my human eyes to look at.
I have to learn how to look past the world and its follies and to accept that as I trust the constant, unmoving Son, I will not be consumed by darkness. I will not fear the night. I will not be afraid of the things I do not see. The dusk will hide the Sun from me, but I will still believe that it is out there! It exists and I believe it will rise and it will come again. When? Only God knows. Beautiful, beautiful truth!
But, if you think your life is settling into darkness, look at the moon. It still reflects the sun’s light, your proof that the sun isn’t gone forever. You can see the moon in the goodness of people who reflect the beauty of the true Light. You might be worried that God has left you, which is absolutely not true; now, look at the people who love and take courage that God has not abandoned you. You are only in a moment of change, of pruning, of growth. He isn’t far away, he is with you and he is leading you towards Himself.
“You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.” Matthew 7:13-14 NLT
I am finalizing this at 5:10pm. Soon, the darkness will have to fall and rain is even adjoining the eve, but I will not fear because I will not be alone tonight and I never will be.