Prompt #1: Discuss your current relationship.
Yay for my first blog prompt! My first task is supposedly to discuss my current relationship.
One issue though:
I currently don’t have one.
I actually have never had an official relationship. The person you introduce to your family and friends. The one you tag on your “In A Relationship” post on Facebook. The kind of relationship where you post public photos with varying levels of cheesy captions. Nope. I admit there were guys I ended up liking and we got tied to texting each other almost 24/7 or having dinners together. But, never the kind I could say I was already committed to. Never one I can explicitly claim as my boyfriend, or in this case an ex-boyfriend.
Growing up, I was raised with a mindset that I can have a boyfriend when I finally graduate. When I was in high school, I thought maybe I would be open to having a boyfriend after finishing my BS degree. But while in college, that standard was raised to after medical school. The rule wasn’t dependent on a certain diploma I had to attain, but it was more about considering when I would be truly ready for a relationship. I think it’s a good thing my family had established from the onset that being in a relationship is a responsibility that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Needless to say, I think it’s only been last year that I fully realized how my mistakes and confusion in previous “relationships” were rooted from the lack of being ready. I was only acting on my teenage emotions and not really on the decision to be fully committed to that person. Of course, feelings are still essential in a relationship, but because I was not yet serious about being in a relationship, my past didn’t “play” out so well.
But, not to be too hard on my younger self and many others who’ve made similar decisions, we may have thought we were already ready, but our definition of ready then is not to the same extent with our understanding of it now (or maybe next year I’ll discover another factor to consider in my level of readiness), which still brings us to the fact that we really weren’t ready.
There is already so much proof among our friends and in films that show how relationships are delicate and must be handled with maturity. When I graduated last year, people around me, particularly friends from church, would tell me “Uyyy! Sa Singles na siya!” referring to me officially leaving my “student status” at church. Even friends who aren’t from my church would also ask me “Wala pa ba?” But, it was already clear to me that transitioning into a young professional wasn’t equal to being “single and ready for a relationship”. Part of it was knowing I’ll “become a student again” once I get into medical school, but at the same time, my work opened my eyes to the adulting things of the real world that I have yet to learn and understand. Essentially, the working lifestyle made me not want to have a relationship even more.
Getting released from the rigid student schedule only made me realize that I shouldn’t be in a hurry to be in a relationship. There are people who would say “I’m finally free to do what I want!” but my cautious self says “Wow, I have to be careful with this freedom”. I’m (only) 21 and I still have so much I have to and want to do. I’m still a little kid in the field/career I want to pursue. I’m still molding my character and settling deep-seated issues. I’m still enjoying keeping my salary to myself! Hahaha! Although, kidding aside, I’m only beginning to step into the real world and seeing its vastness, why should I rush meeting my 1 in 7.5 billion?
This is not to say I wouldn’t want someone to share my life with. Seeing what my friends go through in their relationships have taught me so much about what to expect in a relationship or what characteristics I want in a husband. Not to mention, watching Kdramas have raised my standards a hundredfold while also reminding me how sweet love can be.
Being in a relationship–having a partner through thick and thin–has its own challenges and benefits. But in the end, there is a right timing for everything. For me, now isn’t the time.
Header photo info
April 12, 2017
Sony a5100 | 16.0 mm F3.5 1/125 s ISO 3200